Dear Principal:

I am an alum, having graduated from Ramaz in 1979.  I had been a student there since first grade, and it was the formative experience of my life.  The education I received at Ramaz offered me tremendous opportunities: I attended college and graduate school at prestigious, Ivy League universities. 

Yet these years were enormously difficult for me because I am gay.  The hardships and challenges associated with growing up as a sexual minority were made even more painful growing up in a Yeshivah, though I suppose that growing up gay 30 years ago would have been hard in any school I attended.  Now, however, we have the research, tools and learning to do a much better job for Ramaz students.  Unfortunately, most schools are not taking advantage of such resources.

Gay lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students hear anti-gay slurs about 26 times a day, or every 14 minutes (National Mental Health Association, 2002).

According to a 2005 National School Climate Survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, bullying around issues of sexual orientation, non-conforming gender behaviors and dress was the most common form of bullying, second only to issues of appearance (e.g., body size and disability).

For every lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth who is bullied, four straight students who are perceived to be gay or lesbian are bullied.

LGBTQ teens are more than twice as likely as their heterosexual peers to be depressed and think about or attempt suicide.

And, of course, the recent suicides of Tyler Clementi, Justin Aaberg, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase, and Billy Lucas add a sorrowful urgency to this situation.  In response to the spate of suicides, many people are speaking out a little more. 

There is a project called “Write Your Principal” in which people ask their heads of school what is being done at their schools to ensure a safe and friendly environment for all kids, including the gay kids.  You were not the head of school in 1979, but you are today.  I ask you to ask yourself: what you are doing to prevent bullying at Ramaz, and to make the campus safe for LGBTQ students, faculty, and staff?

Thank you for thinking this through, and I wish you and yours a happy Chanukah.

Sincerely,

Eric C., Class of ‘79

1:00 pm  •  18 December 2010

Hello Principal,

I am writing as an 1988 alumnus of Rogers who is concerned about the
large number of recent reports of high school (and jr. high) student
suicides. Specifically, I am interested in knowing what sort of current
programs are being run at Rogers and if Rogers or the Wyoming Public
Schools has shown some leadership in developing a policy to help ensure
a safe learning environment for students who are or may be perceived to
be gay or lesbian.

I have mixed memories about my time at Rogers. While I fondly remember
being a drum major for the marching band, swimming on the swim team and
graduating class valedictorian, I was also bullied as someone who was
perceived to be gay. I say perceived even thought I write as a married
gay man. At the time, I wasn’t sure but it was clear that it was not
safe to question at home or, even more, at Rogers. I suspect and hope
that current students have somewhat different experiences. The existence
of an anti-bullying program or an official policy to ensure a
environment that actively protects students who are or perceived to be
gay or lesbian would be greatly reassuring.

Sincerely,

Scott S.

1:54 pm  •  17 December 2010

Dear Principal,

I was a graduate of the class of ’98 and as part of the nationwide anti-bullying and the It Gets Better project in support of LGBTQ students I wanted to let you know about my experience. I am a lesbian, I knew it in high school but I was very lucky didn’t have problems at AGHS, I played water polo (poorly) and swimming (even worse) which lead to my real love of rugby in college. I bounced around some AP classes, learned from some amazing teachers who were inclusive of all students (Mr Foster for example) and was able to stay asexual throughout high school without problems. I want to thank the staff, and my coaches from that time for that. I had two male friends who were also gay and I only knew of a handful of other queer students. I don’t think it was thought about then – we knew, some were more flamboyant than others, but we weren’t radical.  But the trend of recent suicides of LGBTQ students are forcing those of us who are active in the community to go back to our high schools and ask about safe schools legislation, about resources that would make them feel more effective for assisting Queer and Questioning youth, and asking that all students get through high school relatively unscathed so that we can take on the world.  We didn’t have a Gay Straight Alliance then (I am so happy you have one now!) and high school was not easy but it gave me the tools to succeed in college, helped to build my love of education, and has moved my current career of social work and support for young children giving them the tools of resiliency.

So thank you for the work you are doing you are changing the lives of so many more people than you will ever know.

Karen C.

7:26 am  •  16 December 2010

File this under the best news we’ve heard all day! Northwestern University’s graduate and undergraduate queer student orgs are having a whole series of letter-writing events (with, apparently, “a special dessert for each event”) throughout January so that EVERYONE who wants to write a letter can get help getting it down on paper and sending it off. They’re hoping for 1,000 letters, and the university is covering a lot of the postage. So amazzzzzing!

12:33 pm  •  23 November 2010  •  1 note

Dear Principal,

I did not graduate from McNally High School in 2002, although I attended in both 2000 and 2000. While a student there, I was in the International Baccalaureate Program; I also briefly took some of the available options; such as art in my first year. I had some very good experiences, and enjoyed quite a few of the projects I got to work on. I hung out at the library a lot.

But it was also very difficult for me. I was bullied by some of the other students, and often ridiculed or laughed at. Although, I can not excuse that behaviour even today, I realize it had a lot to do with the fact that we were young adults, but first and foremost, we were young. A lot of the abuse was not done any meaning or real intention to hurt. A lot of the abuse was not specifically directed at me. And every incident was not because someone hated me. It only felt like it was.

And I was different, after all. I was awkward and shy. I was a geek. I thought I might be queer. I was scared of just about everything. I felt like there was no one I could confide in, and no one who could understand. I wanted people to like me and thought they couldn’t if they knew me. I was ashamed.

I was also sad, anxious and upset all the time. I became less and less involved with school. I stopped participating in extracurricular activities like attending school games. My grades slipped a lot. My attendance slipped. I slept in class because I worried all night at home. In  such a large school, I was able to virtually disappear. I spent a lot of time in places where I could count on the fact that no one knew anything about me; the library, walking in the river valley, anywhere.  Eventually, I switched schools and managed to graduate.

I wish I could say that everything is better for kids today, but of course it’s not.

• Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students hear anti-gay slurs about 26 times a day, or every 14 minutes.  (National Mental Health Association, 2002) .
• According to a 2005 National School Climate Survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, bullying around issues of sexual orientation, non-conforming gender behaviours and dress was the most common form of bullying, second only to issues of appearance (e.g., body size and disability).
• For every lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth who is bullied, four straight students who are perceived to be gay or lesbian are bullied.
• LGBTQ teens are more than twice as likely as their heterosexual peers to be depressed and think about or attempt suicide.

And of course the recent highly publicized suicides of Tyler Clementi, Justin Aaberg, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase, and Billy Lucas add a sorrowful urgency to this situation. Sadly, suicide often leads other people to consider the possibility. I remember reading as a High School Student about the suicide of a student at another school and being envious of his courage.

In response to the spate of suicides, many people are speaking out a little more and there is a project called “Write Your Principal” in which people ask their principals what is being done at their schools to ensure a safe and friendly environment for all kids, including the gay kids. More information on the project is available at http://www.writeyourprincipal.com/ .

You were not my principal in 2000, obviously, but you are the principal at my old school, so I ask you to ask yourself what you are doing to prevent bullying at McNally, and to make the campus safe for students, faculty, and staff.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my letter, I truly appreciate the effort that all teachers and principals put forth as caretakers and educators of the most important resource; young people. It is a position that is all encompassing, requires many sacrifices and offers few rewards. I can only offer my most heartfelt gratitude.

Sincerely,

Page C.

12:00 pm  •  20 November 2010

Dear Principal,

I graduated from Lyons Township High School in 1970. I was a pretty decent student, becoming an Illinois State Scholar and a National Merit Scholar finalist. I recognize that I received a really stellar education that prepared me for college, but I also took part in several theater productions, speech club, wrote some articles for the Lion, worked on the Tab, and helped start WLTL-FM in its earliest days. I think back on that time with some fond recollections … Friday nights at the Corral, decorating Homecoming floats, and traveling with the basketball team to cover their 1970 state championship for the radio station.

But I also look back on high school as an awful time (as do many adolescents, I’m sure). While at LT, I was a 14-18 year old boy from the suburbs of Chicago in the late 1960s who was becoming aware that I am gay. Since Stonewall and the birth of the gay liberation movement didn’t happen until 1969 and after, I can’t really say that we understood the notion of sexual orientation in terms we’d recognize today. But there was clearly an un-named and un-spoken (maybe whispered) difference between me and others. It was at once a closely guarded secret (even from myself at times) and also a widely known perception. There were many interactions with some fellow students that today would be comprehended as bullying due to my being perceived as gay … at various times, I was picked on, taunted, teased, set up as a target of pranks and rumors, called names, shoved, tripped, slugged, and spat upon. Not a lot of people did these things to be sure – but just enough to make my life utterly miserable. There were dark moments when the idea of taking my own life seemed a practical alternative. Seeking help from any teacher or other adult didn’t seem viable at the time; some were turning a blind eye to behavior it was impossible for them not to have noticed, and even enlightened counselors back then could have regarded homosexuality as a disease state.

On balance, my high school years were something I survived rather than enjoyed. I don’t dwell on it a lot; it was what it was. Fortunately, I went on to a reasonably productive and successful life and career.

I wish I could say that everything is better for gay kids today, but of course it’s not.

• Gay lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students hear anti-gay slurs about 26 times a day, or every 14 minutes.  (National Mental Health Association) .
• According to a 2005 National School Climate Survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, bullying around issues of sexual orientation, non-conforming gender behaviors and dress was the most common form of bullying, second only to issues of appearance (e.g., body size and disability).
• For every lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth who is bullied, four straight students who are perceived to be gay or lesbian are also bullied.
• LGBTQ teens are more than twice as likely as their heterosexual peers to be depressed and think about or attempt suicide.

And of course the recent suicides of Tyler Clementi, Justin Aaberg, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase, and Billy Lucas add a sorrowful urgency to this situation.

In response to the spate of suicides, many people are speaking out a little more and there is a project called “Write Your Principal” in which people ask their principals what is being done at their schools to ensure a safe and friendly environment for all kids, including the gay kids. You were not my principal in 1970 (obviously), but you are the principal at my old school, so I ask you:

What you are doing to prevent bullying at LT, and to make the campus safe for LGBTQ students, faculty, and staff?

I’m already aware of the existence of PRISM and I know that students are allowed to observe the Day of Silence and the recent “Spirit Day.” As laudable as that is, I’m actually more interested in hearing about what you do in terms of professional development for your faculty and staff, sensitizing them to be able to recognize bullying, and to know how to intervene when they witness it.

I get back to LaGrange with some regularity, since one of my brothers still resides there. I’d be happy to be supportive of your efforts in any way I can.

Recognizing that your job as a principal in public education these days is not easy, I don’t expect a lengthy response. Some bullet points will do. In some respects, my inquiry is rhetorical, seeking to trigger a moment of self-reflection. If you are doing everything you can, great! If there is room for improvement, I’d be interested in knowing what plans you have for getting better.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

Joel

4:48 pm  •  19 November 2010

Dear Principal,

I graduated from Goshen High School in 1988. I looked online and not sure if this the information below is current. I do not see sexual orientation included in the policy of nondiscrimination. I also do not see school employees and teachers included under bullying and intimidation.    

Policy of Nondiscrimination

Goshen Community Schools is committed to equal opportunity and
does not discriminate on the basis of age, race, color, religion, sex,
handicapping conditions, or national origin. No person is excluded
from participation in, denied the benefits of, or otherwise subject to,
unlawful discrimination on such basis under any educational program or
student activity.  

H. Bullying and Intimidation ( I.C. 2 0-33-8-0.2 )
It is the policy of Goshen Community Schools to maintain a learning
and working environment that is free from all forms of bullying. This
commitment applies to all school corporation operations, programs,
and activities. These rules apply when a student is on school grounds
immediately before or during school hours, immediately after school
hours, or at any time when the school is being used by a school group;
off school grounds at a school activity, function, or event; traveling to
or from a school activity, function, or event; or using property or
equipment provided by the school. All students share responsibility for
avoiding, discouraging, and reporting any form of unlawful harassment.
Bullying and Intimidation is defined as overt, repeated acts or gestures,
including verbal or written communications transmitted; physical acts
committed; or any other behaviors committed by a student or group of
students against another student with the intent to harass, ridicule,
humiliate, intimidate, or harm the other student.  

Sincerely,   Tim F.

11:14 am  •  19 November 2010

Dear Principal,

My name is Kerry F. and I graduated from North Rockland High School in 1996.  I am writing to you today to ask what you are doing to prevent bullying and to create a safe haven for all of your students, including those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or questioning.

In my years at NRHS I was an honors student.  I had a small group of close friends but I wasn’t popular.  I had many personal struggles during those years and I suffered from Depression.  I am not gay, but during my middle school and high school years I was bullied often for a variety of reasons:  I was a bit chubby, a bit awkward, a bit nerdy, and a tomboy (I was often called a lesbian).  I remember being so ashamed of being bullied that I never asked for help, but I hated going to school and having to face it. 

I do not have only bad memories of high school.  I had many kind and dedicated teachers and counselors with whom I formed very close bonds.  I know that some of them, including Caroline O. and Reina M., are still at the school and I am eternally grateful for their support.  However, Haverstraw and Stony Point, at the time that I was in school, were not beacons of tolerance and open-mindedness.  I am embarrassed to admit that I myself was guilty of bigotry toward people whom I did not make an effort to understand.

In the 14 years since graduation I have been blessed to have lived in many other cities across the country and the world and to have greatly expanded my world view.  I recently returned to the North Rockland community to take care of a sick parent.  I have been pleased to notice that the community has evolved into a more accepting place to live and I dearly hope that this progression has also permeated the schools.

As you are probably aware, stories of bullying in schools have had extraordinary, and tragic, presence in the news lately.  High school, as you may remember, is hard for everyone.  We were learning about ourselves and about the kind of people we wanted to become.  When you have to face bullying on top of the typical teenage angst, life can be unbearable.  I think that this may be especially hard for LGBTQ youth.  They are being bullied for something that they are already struggling with.  Often these youth also have to face family members that are not ready to accept their children for who they are.  The recent suicides of Tyler Clementi, Justin Aaberg, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase, and Billy Lucas, as well as countless others, add a sorrowful urgency to this situation.  I would like to share some statistics with you, of which you may already be aware:

·         Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students hear anti-gay slurs about 26 times a day, or every 14 minutes. (National Mental Health Association, 2002).

·         According to a 2005 National School Climate Survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, bullying around issues of sexual orientation, non-conforming gender behaviors and dress was one of the most common forms of bullying, second only to issues of appearance (e.g., body size and disability).

·         For every lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth who is bullied, four straight students who are perceived to be gay or lesbian are bullied.

·         LGBTQ teens are more than twice as likely as their heterosexual peers to be depressed and think about or attempt suicide.

I am writing this letter to you as part of a project called “Write Your Principal” (www.writeyourprincipal.com).  The project encourages people to ask their current or former principals what is being done at their schools to ensure a safe and supportive environment for all kids.  This campaign hopes to raise awareness and prevent the bullying of LGBTQ students, but I think the problem extends beyond sexual identity and orientation.  As my own story demonstrates, bullying can happen to anyone who is “different.” 

You were not my principal when I attended North Rockland from 1992 to 1996, but I’d like to ask:  What are you doing to protect your vulnerable students from bullying?  What are you doing to create not only an atmosphere of tolerance, but also one of acceptance, a learning environment where students are free to learn about themselves and their world without fear?  What are you doing to communicate your support of LGBTQ students – to help keep these students happy, healthy, and free from bullying?

Thank you for taking the time to read this email and also for considering ways to continue helping the students and staff of North Rockland High School realize their potential to cultivate a community that believes in kindness, goodwill, and respect toward all of its members.  I am not an expert on bullying but I would be happy to offer some ideas if you are interested.  I look forward to your response.  Thanks again.

Best Regards,

Kerry F.

4:30 pm  •  18 November 2010

Dear Principal and Assistant Principal

I graduated from Hillcrest in 1997 and Murray in 2000.  While a student at Murray, I was on the literary magazine, debate team (which included a wonderful trip to Tempe with you, [Principal]), and loved many of my peers.  I still do.  I also admired many on the faculty who taught me so much.

I think back on that time fondly.  I remember Mr. [Redacted] fondly, who allowed me to complete an alternate assignment in lieu of dissection; and Mr. [Redacted], who gave up so much for his students.  And they are only two of many — many others appear to have moved on, but they remain in my thoughts.  (I also remember your 9th grade chemistry class, Mr. [Redacted], and your enthusiasm for teaching as well as Mt. Dew.)

Yet these years were enormously difficult for my LGBT classmates because they were treated badly by other students. I don’t want to share too many details about their lives, but I will say that routine harassment shaped their academic potential and … well … lives.

I wish I could say that everything is better for gay kids today, but of course it’s not.

• Gay lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students hear anti-gay slurs about 26 times a day, or every 14 minutes.  (National Mental Health Association, 2002) .
• According to a 2005 National School Climate Survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, bullying around issues of sexual orientation, non-conforming gender behaviors and dress was the most common form of bullying, second only to issues of appearance (e.g., body size and disability).
• For every lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth who is bullied, four straight students who are perceived to be gay or lesbian are bullied.
• LGBTQ teens are more than twice as likely as their heterosexual peers to be depressed and think about or attempt suicide.

And of course the recent suicides of Tyler Clementi, Justin Aaberg, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase, and Billy Lucas add a sorrowful urgency to this situation. In response to the spate of suicides, many people are speaking out a little more and there is a project called “Write Your Principal” in which people ask their principals what is being done at their schools to ensure a safe and friendly environment for all kids, including the gay kids.  You were not my principals in2000, but you are today, so I ask you to ask you what you are doing to prevent bullying at, and to make the campus safe for LGBTQ students, faculty, and staff.

Sincerely,

Jason H.

1:41 pm  •  18 November 2010

Dear Principal,

My name is Sue and, as I am certain you recall, my daughters X, Y, and Z all graduated from Great Neck North High School. Z, who graduated in 2000 is presently a rabbinical student in Boston MA., as well as a strong supporter of the GLBTQ community.  Since coming out in college, Z has worked to be a role model for younger GLTBQ-identified people.  I am grateful to Z for pointing out one meaningful way to address the issue of high school students being bullied through the “write your principal” program.

While I recognize the dedication the faculty and administration had in educating my children in a manner which encouraged respect and diversity; I wonder if you, as principal of Great Neck North, have dealt with the impact of the bullying and harassment of students as a result of their sexual orientation.  I am wondering what steps you have taken in educating both staff and the student population as to the identification of bullying as a cruel and violent act which must be prevented.  The creation of a safe space for adolescents to come into their identities is one of the most important tasks facing schools.   

Recent suicides of gay and lesbian youth have prompted a nationwide call for schools, and religious institutions, to be involved with identifying and educating others to the impact of bullying and harassment; I ask for your support today.

Both myself and Z are anxious to hear back from you as to how Great Neck North High School is addressing this issue.  I am also happy to answer any questions and supply additional information in whatever format would most benefit you and your staff in pursuing a meaningful curriculum to deal effectively with bullying, and to create a safe environment for all of your students.

Best Regards,

Sue

7:35 am  •  17 November 2010  •  1 note